struggling.

The past few weeks have been a long road. I've been reading a lot, drawing some, and feeling frozen in my design process. There has been good reading and pondering, but it feels more like in preparation for something than the thing itself. I've been wanting to begin to think in forms- to put pen to paper and begin designing, but something isn't letting me go there. 

A few ideas of what this might be- one of my readings was a manifesto for the aesthetics of sustainability by Elizabeth Myers. She is arguing (very well I might say) for recognition of the importance of aesthetics in the larger conversation about sustainability that is happening in the design fields and has deftly dealt a death blow to passivity and thoughtless technical moves in 'sustainable' design solutions. Yes, it seems we have forgotten about the spirit of a place and the uniqueness that each place is- how to celebrate that and create an expression of sustainability that is place specific? How to create designs that a arresting in their beauty: clear design expressions and bold moves in form and experiential beauty to awaken people's senses and affect their environmental ethic? Did she call it a jarring beauty? I don't remember, but that's the sense I got. 

My thoughts on this in relation to the Civic Space are muddled at best- what is the "placeness" of this space? It clearly lacks it now, so it's somewhat of an excercise in vision... As a sculptor, I think so much in form, in materials and connections- I am tempted to approach this space in that regard, but my fear is that this approach is either out of order or invalid. Where is the meaning in pure form? Seems there is greater potential to be had in a space. So, geometry- what about sacred geometry? Or a sacred approach to the geometry? What of the 'energy' of the site- yes. Need to consider this as well. Seems as though this would be a way to solidly approach the site- there are certain dimensions that exist, and certain ones that might complete or add to the experience, but I am unable to get beyond initial stages in this. Maybe it takes a leap into experimentation with form to test it through this more 'sacred' lens. 

The foundational concept is yet to be born- what is this space to be about? Tabb says that

design = program + site + intentions + constraints

so, what's my program? it is to be informed somewhat by my clients. what does the city of bryan need? what to the kids need? the library? the children's museum? the homeless? I have lists of my thoughts on each. 

site? ripe with potential. I basically get a clean slate. I'll have to re-house an old bell and find something to do with a granite obelisk, and preserve some great old oaks, but beyond that it seems to be fair game. 

intentions? Doesn't this come from my concept? from a story of some sort? does the concept come from the history of the site? from pure whimsy? it could be a million things. but what will bring the site to life? Surely it will be more place specific than an artist's whimsy. It must be calculated to some degree. 

I have thought of several bits and pieces as of yet. little ideas about forms and elements within the site, but I am really needing a larger concept to help drive this, and I've not found anything compelling enough to do so- need a set of parameters as it were to help drive this and make decisions- but that most certainly will be formed initially by the conceptual framework. 

I have a few seeds of thought- using the history of the site as a base for education- make the whole experience scream "Bryan Texas!" and make it very themed in that regard- somehow draw out the cultural history of the town... fairly uninteresting in my opinion. more interesting would be what is the culture of this place now? or what will it be? what is it longing to be? how to celebrate and encourage the formation of a culture I feel alien from? This place has a sort of momentum to it- I mean, my site is in the context of an enormous parking garage that will wipe out every mature oak from the library to texas avenue and celebrate, acommodate, and encourage the use of cars. My space is about the pedestrian, about the transition from 40mph in a car to 2 or 3 mph on foot. The beauty of it must be such that people are drawn in, drawn out of themselves to see what is around them. What Bryan will be in 20 years will hopefully be a far cry from the diesel-belching duallies that dominate the roadways now, but i doubt it. how to get that audience to rest? or maybe its not about them, I need to design for kids- to draw out the desire to play and be in wonder that we all truly have, no matter the age. The lover of modernism that is in me wants sparity in designed form, but the lover of the created world longs for beautiful complexity, for abundance, for lushness. why not design for the farmer's market crowd? for concerts? for storytellers? for permaculture? for rainwater? for a celebration of learning? for a new culture?